What is a xenogender?
Put simply, a xenogender is a gender identity which describes gender in ways not usually associated with genders (e.g., male, female, non-binary, maverick, agender, etc.), and instead compares the individuals experience of gender to different things, concepts, etc.Because xenogenders are so personal and unique, there are many different ways that people can experience them, which will be explained further in the 'why do people use xenogenders' section. But it is important to understand that because of their nature, it is impossible to understand everything about xenogenders, especially if you yourself do not identify with them. Even those who identify with them can never understand the way someone else may identify with them. Therefore, not understanding exactly how someone could identify as one is not an excuse to not respect them, because they are their purpose is to be understood by those who are using them, not by those who aren't.
Neogenders and xenogenders
A lot of people get confused about neogenders and xenogenders, thinking that neogenders must be another name for xenogenders, when that is not true.Neogender is an umbrella term which describes any gender coined after the year 2000. Whilst all xenogenders are also neogenders, not all neogenders are xenogenders. Examples of non-xenine genders which fall under the neogender umbrella include demigenders, genderfluid, maverique and genderflux, for example.
What to call someone who uses xenogenders?
There is no simple answer to this question, it's all down to the personal preference of the person you are describing. Some people are ok with being described as a xenogender user, whilst others don't like that, feeling that it implies the xenogenders aren't their actual gender. Most people would be ok with being described as being xenic, so that is probably the best thing to call someone if you don't know what they prefer.There are some more specific identities that people can use to summarise that they are xenic, too. Some people identify as polyxenic, or a xenohoarder, both labels that describe how they have multiple xenogenders. Some people identify as xenofluid, which means their gender is fluid between different xenogenders. Xenoboy and xenogirl are genders describing someone who is both a boy or a girl in some way and xenic (not to be confused with neoboy and neogirl, a connection to masculinity/femininity that is different to how binary men/women experience it). The label (gender)+ may also be used. This describes someone who identifies completely as that gender (not partially), alongside some other genders. Examples include boy+ and girl+, however you could substitute in literally any gender.Personally I refer to myself as either a xenofluid xenoboy or boy+.
Common terms
Below is a list of terms that may be commonly used with xenogenders, and what they mean.
The suffix 'plushic' describes a gender connected to a plushie in some way. Examples being squidplushic, a gender connected to squid plushies.
The suffix 'charric' describes a gender that is connected to a fictional character, an example being mewichigocharic, a gender connected to the character ichigo momomiya / mew ichigo from tokyo mew mew.
The term 'kenochoric' describes a group of genders centred around liminality, loneliness, nostalgia, distortion, darkness, nonhumanity, fogginess, disconnect, and similar/related concepts. Examples include Eldrichoric, a gender related to being an eldritch abomination.
The suffix 'coric' describes how a gender is connected to an aesthetic or a concept in some way. Examples include webcoric, a gender connected to the webcore aesthetic.
The word 'thing' can be used as a suffix to describe the experience of a gender feeling like it is a thing or a creature, or the experience of feeling that you are a thing, metaphorically or literally. Examples include magicalenbything, a gender related to being magical, an enby, and a thing all at once.
The suffix 'cringic' is used to describe a gender that is in some way connected to a feeling of pride at being cringe, or a reclamation of being seen as cringe. Examples include quirkycringic, a gender related to bright neon colours, being called cringe, hoarding labels, using neopronouns, emoticons, typing quirks, being a little blob, and rats.
An aesthetigender is any gender that is related to an aesthetic in some way. It is important to note that this is not someone using gender as an aesthetic, but rather someone who feels that an aesthetic best summarises their experience of gender. Examples include fairycoric, a gender that feels connected to the fairycore aesthetic.
A neurogender is a gender that is connected to a certain neurotype in some way. These genders are exclusive genders that can only be used by specific people. Examples include traumagender, an umbrella term for all genders that feels like they have been affected by trauma in some way. These genders are exclusive to those who have trauma.
The suffix 'ix' or 'tix' describes a gender that is connected in some way to being neurodivergent. These genders are obviously excusive to neurodivergent people. Examples include buntix, a gender that feels influenced by neurodivergence and connected to a love for bunnies and rabbits.
Why do people use xenogenders?
There are many different reasons why people may identify as xenogenders. These include, but are not limited to:
They struggle a lot with describing their gender in other ways, and feel these genders are the only way to truly describe their experience of gender.
Although other more common/well known genders fit them, they find xenogenders help build on and describe their specific experience with that gender a lot better.
To communicate or put into words things about their gender that other labels would not be able to do.
Comfort in identifying with very specific labels.
How do I tell if xenogenders are right for me?
Due to how complex, unique and personal xenogenders and the experience of being xenic is, there is no easy answer to this question. There are some people who feel that something is missing from their gender and so they go out searching for a xenogender that fits them, whereas others (myself included) did not consider that they could be xenic until one day they happen to randomly come across a xenogender that fits them completely.One thing that people who are questioning if they are xenic find difficult is how there is no right way to experience being xenic. Because each persons experience with xenogenders is different, if you asked a hundred different xenic people how they knew they were xenic, you would receive a hundred different answers. There is a positive side to this however; there is no wrong way to be xenic, too. If you feel like xenogenders are for you for whatever reason, even if you feel that it's not a good enough reason, then you can use them! In the 'how do I tell which xenogender I identify as' section, I will give some tips on how to find the right xenogender for you, and below here are some questions to ask yourself to help consider if you are xenic or not:
Do I feel like something is missing from my gender?
Do I find comfort in having very specific labels?
Is there some parts of my gender that I don't currently have anyway to describe?
Is there anything (e.g. an object, concept, animal, character, etc.) that I feel describes my experience of gender?
If you answered yes to any of these, then it is likely that you may want to identify as xenic. However even if you didn't, but you still want to use xenogenders, then that does not stop you from using them. And if you did, but you would prefer not to use xenogenders, then of course you don't have to. It's all down to how you would prefer to label yourself. Remember, just because a xenogender describes someone, does not mean they need to use that xenogender.
Does using xenogenders make me trans?
There is no right or wrong answer to this. It all depends of the individuals experience of gender.
A lot of people who use xenogenders also identify as non-xenine genders, and a lot of these people identify as trans due to their other gender and not simply because of their xenogenders, however this is not always the case. Some people only identify as xenic, for example, or some people still identify as cis whilst also being xenic (although that is admittedly very rare).
In terms of those who identify purely as xenic, some may describe themselves as trans, especially those who identify with xenogenders that are aligned with non-xenine genders, for example faenegender, a gender that feels feminine, masculine, and androgynous all at once, but mostly feminine.
Some may identify as cisn't, which describes someone who is not cis, but at the same time may or may not identify as trans.
Some may identify as absgender, which describes someone who feels between, beyond, or removed from the labels cis or trans
Some may identify as transxenine, a term used to describe a transgender individual who identifies fully or partially as xenic
However, this is just a small handful of the many ways xenic people may choose to identify. Ultimately, it is down to the individuals preference of what label/s they feel best describe their experience
Do xeno users always use neopronouns?
Although a lot of them do, not all xenic people use neopronouns. At the same time, not all people who use neopronouns are xenic. Pronouns do not always have to equal gender, although some people do like to use pronouns that they feel are connected to their xenogenders (e.g. a pupgender individual may choose to use pup/pupself pronouns)
How do I tell which xeno I identify as?
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself as a starting point to figuring out which xenogender is right for you:
Do I identify as a non-xenine gender, and do I experience this gender in a way I haven't been able to find a label to properly decribe?
Do I feel a connection to masculinity, femininity, etc.?
Is there something I feel very strongly connects to my gender in some way?
Do I feel some other part of my identity (for example neurodivergence) impacts my gender in some way?
Remember, if you feel something is connected to your gender in some way, but you cannot find a xenogender related to that concept, you can always coin one yourself!If you're still struggling to think of what xenogender might fit you, this quiz may be a good place to start, but obviously take it with a pinch of salt because it is only an internet quiz.Pinterest is a great place for finding xenogenders. I have created some pinterest boards specifically for certain kinds of xenogenders, so if you feel that your gender is connected to any of these things, feel free to have a look at them :3
Why xenogenders don't mock trans people
Xenogenders are (despite what some people may claim) not designed to mock trans people. Those who genuinely identify with them do so to because that is the way they find describes their identity the best, not in order to mock anyone. Please do not accuse xenic people of mocking trans people or being transphobic, since that is something they have to deal with a lot and it is not fair on them, when they have done nothing wrong and a lot of them are trans themselves.
However unfortunately, due to xenogenders being seen as strange by a lot of people, and not being widely understood, some people may pretend to use xenogenders in order to make a mockery of both xenic and trans people. These people often create xenogenders which are invalid, however occasionally they may coin a gender which is later reclaimed by people who genuinely identify with that gender. It is important to note that people who do this are never genuine xeno users, they are doing it to mock xeno users and/or trans people, and so these people must not influence your perception of xenic people.There are ways to tell if a gender is invalid:
It is connected to a real person (either living or historical). As a rule, real people are not allowed to be used in xenogenders because we cannot know if they would consent to that. This is different from xenogenders connected to characters that are played by an actor, as long as it is based off the character themselves and not the actor who plays them.
It involves the use of a slur, offensive term, etc., however this can be tricky, because there are some genders that reclaim certain slurs as part of someones gender identity. However, if they are using a slur as a gender and you feel that they are using it maliciously, chances are they are. Look out for people whose only xenogenders are ones that involve slurs, for example.
They use slurs as pronouns, or suggest people use slurs as pronouns. As a general rule, those are not considered acceptable pronouns.
They use someones name as a pronoun. This is unacceptable because they generally have no way of knowing if the person would be ok with their name being used in that way. This is different to using a fictional characters name as your pronoun.
They say phrases such as "the slur is...", "people who hate this gender are called (gender)phobes", "sexual attraction to people who use this gender is called (gender)sexual", etc.
t-t-they t-t-type l-like t-t-t-this, although this could be done for comfort, a lot of the time it is used to mock xeno users. If you see someone coining a gender who has typed it like that, look out for other signs that they are trying to coin an invalid gender. Don't automatically assume a gender is invalid based on this alone, but do be suspicious.
If a gender is invalid but it does not involve slurs or real people, and you feel the definition resonates with you, by all means reclaim it!
The origin of xenogenders
There is a very common misconception about the origin of xenogenders that many people, especially xenogender-antis, believe. This is that xenogenders were created on 4chan in an attempt to mock trans people. This is not true at all. Whilst some xenogenders (most notably attackhelicoptergender) started out as transphobic jokes but were later reclaimed as xenogenders, xenogenders themselves were originally coined on Tumblr, as a way for people to describe gender in ways that fit them better than the gender labels that already existed. The term 'xenogender' was coined on the 24th June 2014, by the Tumblr user Baaphomett, and the first xenogender to be officially coined was catgender, which also happens to be the most common xenogender, along with gendervoid
Neos, xenos, and how to use them
Neopronoun is an umbrella term that describes all pronouns except for he, she and they pronouns. This include pronouns like xe/xem or it/its, xenopronouns, neopronouns, symbolselfpronouns, emojiselfpronouns, numericalpronouns, etc.
Regular neopronouns are things like it/its, xe/xem, or ze/hir. How these are used depends very much on the indivdual, for example I use xe/xem pronouns, and I use them like 'xyr pronouns are xe/xem', however for some people 'xyr' may by replaced with 'xir' or 'xer'. You're best bet is just to ask someone who uses these pronouns how to use them.
Xenopronouns are also known as nounself pronouns, and these are words that already exist being used as pronouns. There are two ways nounself pronouns can be used:
Nounself pronouns can be used like 'pup/pupself', where the word pup would be used like they and them for example, pups would be used like their and theirs, and pupself would be used like themself.
Alternatively, some people may use xenopronouns that take the form of something like hea/heav/heavenself, for example. These can be a little more tricky to use. In this instance, hea would be used in place of they, heav in place of them, heavs in place of their, and heavenself in place of themself.
Symbolself pronouns are pronouns that use a symbol instead of a word, for example !/!self. These pronouns work exactly the same as nounself pronouns, however the noun is replaced by a symbol. These pronouns are for use in writing only.
Emojiself pronouns are again used the same as nounself pronouns, however this time the noun is replaced by and emoji, for example 🐯/🐯self. These pronouns are for online use only.
Numericalpronouns again work the same as nounself pronouns, however this time the noun is replaced by a number, for example 11/11self
If you are considering whether you might want to use neopronouns, here are some tips to help you:
What is a word that you feel really resonates with you/your experience of gender?
If you are xenic, see if you can think of words that connect to what your gender is connected to. A lot of the time, people make suggestions for pronouns that could be used alongside certain genders if you so choose.
On tiktok, there are a lot of accounts dedicated to suggesting neopronouns. Just search for 'neopronoun safespace' and you're bound to find something.
If you know people who use neopronouns, see if they use any neopronouns that you might also like to use.
Ask people you know to suggest neopronouns that they feel you might like. Alternatively, if you don't feel you can do that, ask them to suggest words that they associate with you in some way.
Have a look on reddit, in particular on r/neopronouns, where people often list their neopronouns, and see if there are any there that you like.
this generator can be very helpful in finding a neopronoun you might like.
this can be used to try out pronouns to see if you like them, and it does suggest a small amount of neopronouns, although you can fill in a lot more different pronouns yourself.
this can also be used to try out different pronouns, and it has a much wider variety of neopronouns it suggests.